How do I loathe thee?
There are some that love you to the point of delusion, going on and on about your magical properties of making a project turn out perfectly EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. You make the sweaters fit and tension never change. You control the weather and make crops grow. I would not be surprised if you have been hailed as a fertility idol at some point in time. How your followers love you so, oh Swatch that Foretells the Gauge.
But to me? You are a pain in my side and lie to me every single time. I tried to do the RIGHT thing so many other knitters chastise me for neglecting. “Your sweaters will NEVER fit and you will have wasted money on yarn,” they tell me over and over. Since I did not have an actual pattern to work off of, I knit you and with my normal tension (just ever so slightly tight). I got my gauge. I did my math–and I am good at math, none of this “girls can’t do math” garbage for me, thanks–and in the banding of the sweater, I should have had zero ease and then gone from there. Things were looking good, but due to some errors and lack of thought about my lace pattern, I needed to take two day’s worth of knitting off the needles to rip back to the band. It occured to me while I ripped that perhaps I should try the band on since the sweater was off the needles anyway. What did I find to my horrer? THE BAND WAS FIVE INCHES TOO BIG.
BOO to you, Gauge Swatch. BOO.
(And YES, I DID check my gauge as I was knitting as well. All your lovers would see this and proclaim that I had knit my sweater wrong. OBVIOUSLY my gauge was bigger then the gauge I knit you at. Not true. My gauge was spot on with the swatch.)
All my other sweaters have been knit without swatches and turn out fine. I do a swatch and you send me a sweater that is way too big? You are not worth worshipping and idolizing.
-A very disgruntled me that lost about 7-8 hours worth of knitting and has to start over